I just shrug my shoulders.

Alot of interesting things have happened in the past. Especially when it comes to the family issues. I found out that my brother needs his tonsils out. Which is a easy surgery and he should be out in a couple hours or so. But for someone reason I just have an aching feeling that things are not going to turn out well. So I wanna be there with him to make sure that he will be ok. I happened to be involved with someone that I never expected to be with in my life, and become attached. We'll see what happens with this. If it doesn't work out then so be it.
I guess I've become too tired to deal with stupidness lately. If the guy isn't going to respect my wishes he's out of here!!!!! And there is nothing more to say.
I'm rather excited that my sister will be having her fifth baby!!! I can't wait!!! They should call it the last cartwright aka the Lone Ranger!! But that's prob not going to happen. My sister is going to call him levi. Which is cute! :)
Other than that I keep having the weirdest dreams about stuff that don't even make any sense. But I just have to trust God with this whole situation and leave it to him to make sense of my life again.

As long as He's first I can't be lost!!

So in high hopes of getting my car fixed is denied. I need to replace a new motor in the car for it to work again. Another disappointment added on to the load I carry. However this time I’m refusing to carry the load that I’ve harbored for so long.
It seems like I have the short end of the stick when it comes to recieving many blessings from God.When I have that kind of attitude I notice that my eyes were glued to the situation instead of keeping my eyes on my Father in heaven. When my eyes are fixed on Him I realize that I’am blessed with many things. I have my health, a wonderful family that is giving, friends that I can count on in times of trouble, going to school Working two jobs, and having a ride provided to where I need to be.
Whenever I was in some financial trouble my mom always said that everything happens for a reason. She also said that if I put my trust in God alone, He will pull me through whatever hard situation I’m going through.
Concerning financial situations in my life God provided everytime. If money wasn’t literally sent my way, somehow arrangments were made to work in my favor, or opportunities to make extra money to help pay for what I needed.

So I told the person who I was interested in, how I felt and I was rejected. But you know even though I feel heart sick, God is still the restorer of my soul and healer of my heart.

God is Faithful and True.
Psalms 116:1,2,5 & 8 I love the Lord because he listens to my prayers for help. He paid attention to me. So I will call on him for help as long as I live.
The Lord is kind and does what is right, our God is merciful.
Lord you saved me from death,You stopped my eyes from crying , you kept me from being defeated.

A matter of opinion

Yea going to a Christian University has some advantages and disavantages. The pro's about going to a christian college is that the staff actually care about the students succeeding, and most everyone gets along with each other. The disadvantage is being required to go to chapel, and if you don't you get fined. Which really sucks.

It should be a person's choice to go to church if they want to, not because it's a requirement. That's a matter of opnion. I guess it's a consequence of a choice I made to come to this school. It was nice for a while, but not it's time for a new change.

Secondly I'm having doubts about trusting a special individual with my heart. Why you ask? I just wish he would follow throught with whatever he said he was going to do.
Guys do a favor for all the ladies in the world, if you say your going to call her or text her, follow through. Because if you don't, it makes her feel unimportant.

Craziness 2

yea so as of now life kinda sucks but what can you say, things happen that are out of your control. Other than that I really don't know what to say. God is still in control.

Craziness

Friday night I was involved in a crucial accident, however I survived the accident very little injuries. The only thing that I'm suffering from is emotional pain that my father is giving to me about not going straight home. I wish I have a car and I wasn't living at my parents home anymore, but unless I get married soon it's not going to happen. Also the guy that I still like is completely ignoring me what makes me sad. I feel unimportant. I hope my good friend mike show's up, but I don't know. I'm grateful to be alive, however I can't deal with this emotional pain that I'm going through. I wish I didn't have to leave at my parents home anymore and I was able to live at someone's house. That would help a lil bit of the frustration that I'm dealing with. Sigh it will happen in due time.  

Stupidity

Basicly I got easily attached to someone who isn't interested in me. If someone is your friend usually you call he or she, or send a text message from time to time. It's hard to believe that he likes anything because he never initates much contact other than hey you coming to church? It is so difficult to ask them to hang out with you other than church gatherings? Not like I have anything against going to those things. Another factor is him being selfish, not once did he say that he appreciated me coming with him to whereever. To top it off he's been avoiding me like I have some infectious disease and I'm not quite sure why. So I'm left to pick the pieces of what's left of my life and trying to put them together again.
If I had the opportunity to talk to him one on one I would ask him a few questions.
How come you didn't answer my phone when I called you the other night?
So why is it you can make time to go to a particular place instead of asking hanging with me?
Are we even friends or do you view us as being aquaintances?
Were you ever interested in me, and if you are how come you never call to ask to hang out?

To be truthful I prob wouldn't ask him those questions for one reason only, the response I would get from him. The last time I asked him something it turned out to be a disaster. I'm just hoping he will keep his word by getting the book I asked to buy for me, so I can pay him back. Reality bites sometimes. I'm tired of bearing this weight on my shoulders. I just wish that someone that is a guy would love me for who I am. The good and the bad. I want him to be supportive, compassionate and not selfish for once in his life.

That's all I have to say.