I think I'm starting to have feelings for someone I truly care about. I'm so blessed to have him in my life as a friend. However I'm not sure how to come out and say that I like him. It seems like he has feelings for me, but I need more conformation about it. Sometimes he makes me sooo upset about the things he would say, but somehow I know that he cares for me, and I love it!
It's just a matter of time and completely trusting in the Lord for something greater! Merry Christmas and have a happy new year.

In the quiet

This is the last week of school, before we have finals. This semester isn't over yet. It's close to the end, and it feels like school is dragging forever instead of moving quickly like it should! I was hoping to make many friends, but what I realized is that I let my fear overcome me, and being afraid of rejection. So I pretended to put on this fake person that I don't even know. This mask is coming off. I don't care if I'm not happy all the time. Or if I'm not satisfied with where I'am. Or if I don't understand what is going on. The only thing I could count on is the love of God and that something good will come out of pursuing the one who love me first. Just like I want this semester to end quickly this season of feeling wretched, and useless and invisible to others. This season will soon pass, of dealing with anguish and pain on my own. One day things will change for the better. You will find God in the quiet. This is what he spoke to me in my heart. I will give you peace. You don't have to speak in elegant words to catch my attention. Your tears speak of all the anguish and pain that your bearing. Ah if you knew how much it grieves my heart to see you suffer, my heart is moved by your sorrow. Come and and rest in me and I will hold you in my arms while you weep. I love you more than words can say and I will stand by your side until the end of time.

Only two weeks left of school until winter break! Now I get to sleep in!!!! The few things I can be thankful to God for are my family, going to school, my brother getting married, for me getting a car (even though it doesn't run right now!), being blessed with so many nieces and nephews, for my best friend and her finding love, for teaching me self control and how to love those who refuse to be loved, and patience to wait for a mate.
I will admit that it sucks having to wait for so long for love. Sometimes I feel like love is overrated, that it's not as wonderful as people betray it to be. Even though this thought I have is a lie it's hard to push it away when in reality I'm still single and no one wants to be with me.
The only thing someone would want from me is sex and that's it! I'm sorry that isn't going to happen! I would rather be single for the rest of my life then to give something away that is intended to stay inside of marriage.
So for me waiting for a mate is still in the works heehehehe. At least one thing I know is that God loves me no matter how I'm feeling. I don't have to be fake with Him, and He still has compassion for me. That is what is amazing about HIM I don't have to change a thing about myself!

No way of pulling through.

There's a light at the end of this tunnel. I see it, and believe that it's there, but I haven't arrived yet!!

I can't believe this crap! Just when I thought I would be over from this sickness, now I have my ears plugged up and my nose is running! For being healthy it's a sucky week so far. Other than being sick, I can't wait for school to be over with! But at the same time I don't. The reason I want it to end is so I can take my other classes! But then I don't want to deal with financial aid! Grrnesss!!!!! Oh well that is something we all deal with. I can't wait for the bible study this fri!
I'm getting closer to the end of my english paper, so that's cool! I have close to four pages. that is nice! Well see how that goes with the teacher!

Wow I wish this semester would disappear and I mean quickly! I can't wait for a break from school and just relax! I'm ready to have a good time and just rest in God's presence but also have a good time running around with my friends! I think that we should live our lives to the fullest instead of alway's being timid all the time! That's what I was for the longest time! I feel such a freedom in being who I 'am. I love God and I love my life, even it means that I may not be in a relationship at this moment! I'm so excited for what God is going to do in my life, whatever it may be.
The only is keeping this day from being perfect is my parents trying to guide my life like they think it should be! Sometimes I wish that I live in the dorms where I go to school at, but for some reason that hasn't happened!! Oh well back to plan B!

All I ask

Yea so the past few days I've been sick! So that stinks but other then feeling icky I'm doing very well!

Goodness! I the semester is almost over isn't that crazy? Whoo hoo!!! Winter break oh yea!!!
This is my glorious plan God willing! After finishing my general ed classes plus the pre reqs.I play to apply in the nursing program during the summer time! Two semesters in three months? Sounds impossible but not for me with the Lord's help!
I will be persistant, I will do my best and I will succeed.

Love can be a powerful weapon to use for good or evil. To risk to be in love causes chances to fail and be scarred for life. Who could determine the meaning of love and lust? Everything is mostly about image, how someone looks.

Lust means desire.

Love means sacrifce for the sake of others, keeps no record of wrongs, rejoices in the truth, is patient, is kind, hopes all things, believes all things and endures all things.

It isn't rude, it's not selfish, nor is it prideful.

So if love is these things

better

Something about the perfect smell that makes a day go so much better! ;)

Venting

Well in truthfulness I should be finding some sources on a topic I chose to start my research paper but eh I'm not. I would rather type down my thoughts. Trying to explain everything that's going through my mind will be difficult but I will try.
Why am I here on this earth?
Why did God place me at the job where I work now?
Why do I choose to be lazy than to be persisitant in everything I do?
Am I always going to be alone for the rest of my life?
Why do I always like the guys who aren't interested in me?
Especially guys that are jerks?
Why can't I find a guy who's dependale, loving, compassionate, honest, and somewhere around my age?
Why is it that being patient to wait for a mate seems impossible to do???
Why is it then when I believe that something is from God when it comes to relationships that I'm never right??
Sometimes it's so much easier to withhold all emotion, so the pain I feel would disappear.
Even though I'm not in a relationship I've learned to accept it . I'm not saying I'm happy or content about being alone. I just deal with it.
The most annoying statement I've ever heard is God has someone for you, or when your not searching it will come to you. Some people may think they understand, I think they don't but in reality they do.
The one thing I find comfort is the freedom I feel when I write how I'm feeling. I know that when I write I feel freedom to let go and forgive.
It would be nice to feel appreciated and wanted. To say hey I just want to let you know I've been watching while you work and your doing a fantastic job. Or I just wanna say that your a real good friend. Or something. Anyway everyone feels this way once in a while even a christian girl like me.
But if I have no one else to count on I've still got Jesus.

Some people are still the same

Very little has changed from highschool to a college envioriment. But how we treat one another is pretty messed up. In a world where social status matters I find myself trying to fit in some type of group. To mold myself into something I'm not. I'am who I am and that's who I'm gonna be.
I write songs when the moments right, I like to be real with others and myself regardless of the risk. I love to sing , laugh, and cry when things are stressful.

I'm trying to get back to the basics of what God created me to be, and once I find it then I will be truly happy.

What's in a name anyway?

So for those who wanna know what I chose to name myself snowballthrowa? Well it's simple I like to throw snowballs. and if you can't figure it out. Sorry your out of luck!

But on a real note does any one know what thier full name actually means?