In a blinded estate

I don't know what to say. I'm in the middle of being happy about how things turned out between my ex and his woman but yet I'm saddened. I'm happy in one way because maybe things might work out between us, I don't know. But at the same time I feel upset that things didn't work out and both people got hurt in the process. It sucks getting hurt period. Man I've been battling thoughts and saying mean things about people, it has been a continual struggle. Not saying about everyone but certian individuals that are close to me or use to be close to me. And I just want to say I'm sorry and if I said anything it was because I'm jealous of you and I wasn't content being truly happy, and I was trying to control your life. It's not my place and I apologize.
I just wanna live in freedom that Christ speaks of and I don't wanna worry or feel uneasy about anything.
So my question is why is it so difficult to find these days? And why can't I not stop thinking about this one individual? Maybe it's because our seperation felt like several months but in reality it was one month all together. This pain will pass. :)

Slowly becoming wiser

Well God has been teaching and showing me how important it is to forgive others and treat them with respect even when they don't return the same for me. It's hard, but God has continually given me the grace and enough strength to do so. I love God. It doesn't matter how much other people hurt me cause i know that God is able to keep me. Am I saying that what people say about me and or the hurtful comments doesn't have an affect on me. I would be lying to myself. I was able to talk to my ex and it was an interesting conversation. However we got in a quarrell but we were able to get out of it. However I felt honored that he would trust me with what was going on with his life. But my heart was saddened for the things he had to go through. I feel for him very much. Whether we get back together or not, I wish the best for him. People may not even understand that, but they don't have to. If God can forgive me then why should I hold unforgivness toward anyone else. It's hard path to go on, but it's possible to do. It's only possible when you try to walk on the road toward forgiving someone.
Sometimes it takes capturing thoughts by the second or milla second, minute or every day to overcome temptation of harboring harsh feelings toward others.
Another thing I've learned is keeping my mouth closed around those I cannot trust with my secrets, or issues I'm dealing with.
I want my life to be a living testimony of God's faithfulness, and I will continue to live the best of my knowledge with abiding in the prescence of God and walking by his word.
Am I perfect person? By all means no. however God is good and I'm thankful that his blood and his love for me is enough to cover all my wrong doings, and is enough to set me free.

I'm slowly learning what I need to be, and he is teaching and showing me the way. I love him so.

To hold my tounge or at least bite on it.

Wow this year has been crazy and quite a learning experience for me. What few things I've gained is this. People will take advantage of you. Talk is cheap, but actions speak much louder than words. Trusting people is difficult and can be dangerous. However it's made me wiser to be careful about how I should compose myself around others. I've learned that I can't change other's that only God is able to do that. No matter how frustrated at may be toward them. It's all their decision on whether they draw near to you or not.

But why not take the chance to draw near? I will draw near and find healing and some peace of mind. I don't have to worry anymore. I just need you and that's it.