Lost in translation

The more I found about my ex the more I feel digusted. It's hard to forgive someone who lied to you and couldn't be completely honest to save his life, and then uses confusion or manipulation to get what he wants. I haven't talk to him since the last text I sent saying I find it hard to believe that he's trying to change. I stopped sending scripture to him because he would say amen and that's it. Does he even have understand the meaning of the term amen? It means let it be so.
I know the type of man that John can become but he chooses not to. His actions and the things he say are contradicting one another. That is what he's irritating!! God has such a wonderful plan for him, if he would see it. That's why I removed myself from him because i knew that all he was doing was using me and never showing any appreciation and telling me what I longed for him to say forever ago. How he is so blessed to be with me, and there is no other person that could take my place. However I never heard those words, and probably won't in the future.
I think that's what hurts the most. What sucks even more is trying to forget about him but yet I dream and think about him often. When he does come to mind I say a prayer for him and then I move on.

What can anyone say.

I feel so heartsick. I still deeply care about someone who probably doesn't even give me a second thought in his mind. I wish and hope and pray that things would be right between the two of us... but who's to determine that? only God. He can change anything the way he sees fit for His glory. I'm so glad that God's heart is so tender and His love is so generous. That his patience runs deeper than mine. He has more self control then I could ever obtain in a lifetime. I could always learn to be a little more loving or showing compassion, mercy or whatever I need, he gives it to me.
Thank you God.

I know that he is screwed up and has this fake facade that is over his life. I hate it when he acts all fake. I love it when he is honest and real, but also when he show's his affection. Sometimes I can still feel his hands holding me close to his side. But regardless about how I feel toward him I have to think about what is best through God's eyes for John.

I know why things between him and I didn't work out it's because my heart wasn't in the right place and niether was his. My relationship with him was interfering with my relationship with God. My first love.

What makes it even more confusing is about Joe, he wants to get involved with me and come see me in person. I just don't know if I'm ready for that right now. I can't even make sense about John. Cause the more I feel upset and disappointed about him. The more I feel like God is softening my heart and helping me to forgive him and let go and trust God to do what is good for him. I know that John someone to hold him accountable. I can't be the one though.

Because I've become so attached to him and I just need to let go of him. I know what i need to do, I just need to let go. Or does it mean rather instead to pray for him and continue to do so until there is clarity. I'm not sure, I need direction a simple word from you Jesus. A word of knowledge. Something to confirm that what I'm doing is right. Somebody that doesn't even know about the situation. Jesus I'm asking for something big, but I believe that you are able to fufill it. Even from you would be enough a simple yes or no on where to go will help the situation.

Just to open the door of opportunity, or close it if it's not from you. I want your will.
Help confirm what you want me to do. I want your blessing in my life. I want to do your will and live out your word. Help me Lord.