Venting

Well in truthfulness I should be finding some sources on a topic I chose to start my research paper but eh I'm not. I would rather type down my thoughts. Trying to explain everything that's going through my mind will be difficult but I will try.
Why am I here on this earth?
Why did God place me at the job where I work now?
Why do I choose to be lazy than to be persisitant in everything I do?
Am I always going to be alone for the rest of my life?
Why do I always like the guys who aren't interested in me?
Especially guys that are jerks?
Why can't I find a guy who's dependale, loving, compassionate, honest, and somewhere around my age?
Why is it that being patient to wait for a mate seems impossible to do???
Why is it then when I believe that something is from God when it comes to relationships that I'm never right??
Sometimes it's so much easier to withhold all emotion, so the pain I feel would disappear.
Even though I'm not in a relationship I've learned to accept it . I'm not saying I'm happy or content about being alone. I just deal with it.
The most annoying statement I've ever heard is God has someone for you, or when your not searching it will come to you. Some people may think they understand, I think they don't but in reality they do.
The one thing I find comfort is the freedom I feel when I write how I'm feeling. I know that when I write I feel freedom to let go and forgive.
It would be nice to feel appreciated and wanted. To say hey I just want to let you know I've been watching while you work and your doing a fantastic job. Or I just wanna say that your a real good friend. Or something. Anyway everyone feels this way once in a while even a christian girl like me.
But if I have no one else to count on I've still got Jesus.